Five Good Reasons to Subscribe to the Symphony

no, seriously. you should.

Markand Thakar

It’s warm in the DECC auditorium
This past winter was REALLY long and REALLY cold. And with the Obama administration’s commitment to saving the planet, our hopes for global warming are fading fast. Bottom line: we’re in for another chilly one next year. Imagine the body heat generated by a couple thousand of your closest friends gathered together in one room.

Feel smarter than those kids
Consider how superior you can feel to those know-it-all kids when you say, “I heard Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony last night. It was just incredible! Did you know he was deaf when he composed it?” How delicious will be that dumb stare bespeaking a realization that the old folks may actually know something. Of course you may get “Yeah, and it was the first symphony with voices, and the text was Friedrich Schiller’s An die Freude - oh, sorry, you don’t speak German. That means Ode to Joy.” Ouch! Even so, that one fleeting moment of smug self-satisfaction would be ever so precious!

Cure for hiccups
Four out of five doctors recommend it. Those hiccups you’ve had for a year and a half now are guaranteed to stop when you sit in rapt attention through the searing passion of Tchaikovsky’s Pathétique Symphony. If that doesn’t work, surely the elemental rhythms of Orff’s Carmina Burana will do the trick. Or the ultimate treatment: the exquisite joy of Mozart’s Elvira Madigan piano concerto. Guaranteed. Or double your money back.

That Larry Zimmerman is so darned cute
Face it, the music is wonderful, but it’s all about the eye candy. Those pouty lips, those come-hither eyes, that buzz cut…irresistible. And the trombone playing ain’t bad either.

Your TV doesn’t work
You say you’ve been watching TV religiously, but since February you don’t seem to be getting the point of those shows any more? Are you perhaps having trouble with reception? The answer is simple: you didn’t convert your analog TV. Trust me, you didn’t miss anything: they’re still Lost, and there will only ever be one Sanjaya.

So get warm, get smart, get hiccup-free, get aroused, and get real. Call the DSSO office at (218) 623-3776 or go online to www.DSSO.com. Or you could just keep checking the mail for that $40 analog-to-digital converter box coupon.

Markand Thakar is the Charles A. & Carolyn M. Russell Music Director, Duluth Superior Symphony Orchestra; music director, Baltimore Chamber Orchestra; principal conductor, Duluth Festival Opera and co-director of the graduate conducting program, Peabody Conservatory